Melissa Lundquist, an associate professor in the School of Social Work and director of the undergraduate social work program at the University of St. Thomas, spoke with MPR News about the complex emotions Father’s Day can bring. Lundquist discussed how holidays often evoke both joy and grief, encouraging people to acknowledge the layered experiences of family relationships and the ways loss can evolve over time.
From the conversation:
Melissa Lundquist: The story that the world tells is one of celebration and joy. It doesn’t show the complicated parts of being in a family, and the challenges that are normal and that come with being in a family. So, the public story is one of all joy and celebration. And as your story shows, Guy (Bowling), and many others, families are never that straightforward. And so these holidays can often be very bittersweet. You have the sweet, you have the joy parts ... and then you have the bitter parts, which are the losses. ...
Angela Davis: I tend to avoid social media completely on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and people don’t necessarily talk about the parts that hurt.
Lundquist: Right, right. It’s not what we put out in public, and it’s the most helpful thing to share. And the thing that can benefit our whole society is if we tell these stories, if we share these experiences. The losses are layered. You described losses as layered across your life, and then the way you understand them over time changed as well. So, while you didn’t have that deep sense of loss as a child, as you get out in the world you realize my father’s not here for this, for this, for this ... the losses culminate over time.
