A leader I advise found himself overwhelmed in a new leadership role. Reporting directly to the CEO, his calendar was packed, and stress was beginning to disrupt his sleep and well-being. When a great opportunity becomes a mental, emotional burden, what’s a leader to do to bring things back into balance? Not surprisingly, there’s an emotional intelligence (EQ) skill for that called self-regulation.
Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions, impulses and behaviors. It enables you to consciously choose how you respond to situations rather than being driven by your immediate reactions, which is part of why it is such an essential skill for leaders who are managing teams, projects and deadlines. This skill is a key component of high leadership EQ.
Through coaching, the executive was able to step back and determine what he could control. He set clear boundaries around meetings, reprioritized tasks, and shifted his focus from the demands of the job to the opportunities it presented. By adopting a growth mindset, he regained control of his workload, improved his overall outlook, and reduced the ways he was experiencing stress.
- Jill HauwillerStress is part of any leadership role, and how you manage it determines how it impacts your life.”
Why self-regulation matters
Stress is part of any leadership role, and how you manage it determines how it impacts your life. Leaders face many stressors: balancing personal responsibilities, team performance and external pressures. Recent research from DDI, the Global Leadership Forecast, included this finding about stress and leadership:
“Leader stress is escalating, with 71% reporting increased stress and 54% of those leaders feeling concerned about burnout. Time scarcity is a key driver, with only 30% feeling they have enough time to fulfill their responsibilities. Alarmingly, 40% of leaders who reported increased stress said they also considered leaving their leadership role, revealing a systemic risk to leadership pipelines and highlighting the critical need for organizations to reimagine how they support and empower their leaders.”
Another client I worked with moved into a head-of-sales role in a new industry. The learning curve was steep, and he found himself struggling with productivity. Like my other client, his stress manifested in poor sleep and diminishing job performance. He ran a time study and found out that much of his day was filled with meetings that could be delegated or eliminated. This allowed him to refocus on more strategic work, make better use of his time, and improve both his health and job performance.
3 practical strategies for self-regulation
Like all EQ skills, self-regulation can be developed with intention and practice. Here are three strategies to reclaim your balance, grow your confidence, and anchor your leadership in purpose.
No. 1 - Manage your energy: Understanding how your energy ebbs and flows can help you optimize productivity.
Managing energy is a crucial element of self-regulation. A leader I coached realized he had been treating every task with equal urgency, leading to burnout. Once he started tracking his energy patterns, he identified when he was most productive and planned his work accordingly. He used high-energy periods for deep strategic thinking and reserved low-energy times for administrative tasks. This simple shift had a profound impact on his effectiveness.
There are seven types of rest: physical, mental, sensory, creative, emotional, social and spiritual. Paying attention to each type of rest and how present they are for you can help you better manage your energy.
Consider enhancing your well-being over the next month by:
- Identifying energy-draining activities and setting boundaries around them.
- Prioritizing quality sleep and relaxation.
- Scheduling time for activities that restore energy, whether it’s exercise, creative pursuits, or meaningful social interactions.
No. 2 - Quiet your inner critic: Leaning into curiosity and compassion can minimize self-doubt and build confidence.
Another leader, struggling with self-doubt and a demanding boss, worked on managing his inner critic. Through coaching, he reconnected with the reasons he entered his field and began to see his contributions more clearly. By developing self-compassion and shifting his focus from external validation to his own sense of accomplishment, he was able to reengage with his work and navigate challenges with greater confidence.
A persistent inner critic can undermine confidence and decision-making. Interrupting negative self-talk requires:
- Awareness: Recognize when your inner critic is taking over.
- Questioning its validity: Is the criticism accurate or exaggerated?
- Reframing with compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a colleague.
- Using curiosity: Instead of judging critically, ask yourself open-ended questions to explore alternative perspectives.
No. 3 - Build resilience: Connecting with purpose can encourage learning and a growth mindset.
Many leaders find value in reconnecting with their purpose. Self-reflection is often difficult in high stress situations, but taking the time to evaluate how one’s career aligns with long-term goals can be transformative. Defining a learning plan can provide direction and create a sense of progress, especially during career transitions or high stress periods.
A related aspect of self-regulation is fostering a growth mindset, the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning. Leaders can cultivate this mindset by practicing self-reflection, focusing on learning opportunities rather than setbacks, and actively seeking feedback.
Remember, self-regulation is not about suppressing emotions but about managing them in a way that supports long-term success and well-being. When you manage your emotions, you make better decisions, build stronger teams, and create healthier work environments for yourself and people around you.
As you reflect on your own self-regulation practices, consider: What strategies are already working for you? Where do you see opportunities to strengthen your ability to manage stress and emotions? Small, intentional changes can lead to significant improvements in both personal and professional life.
Bio:
Jill Hauwiller is adjunct management faculty and a leadership consultant at the University of St. Thomas – Opus College of Business. She is an experienced coach and expert in organizational design and development whose career has included in-house roles in large global organizations and consulting experience with Fortune 50 to family-owned businesses. From med tech to manufacturing to higher education to professional services, Hauwiller works across industries to support executive and high potential leaders. She is also a founding partner of coaching firm, Antheo.
