Melissa Lundquist, an associate professor in the School of Social Work and director of the undergraduate social work program at the University of St. Thomas, sat down with MPR News host Catharine Richert and Allina Health psychologist David Nathan to discuss the emotional mix of pride, grief, and rediscovery that comes with an empty nest and how to find balance and meaning in this new stage of life.
From the interview:
Richert: So David, empty-nest syndrome is not an official diagnosis but a lot of people go through it. How do you define what empty-nest syndrome is?
Nathan: Empty-nest syndrome is a name for a significant traction in our lives; it’s almost like getting married or going to college ourselves. It is a really big switch and often a really fast switch from one way of living with young people in our homes to suddenly all that being gone. The human mind really likes things to be consistent and predictable and empty-nest syndrome throws that up in the air. ...
Richert: So Melissa, David and I both have kids who are still young – too young to move out – but this is something that you’ve lived through more than once. What do you remember about the first time you had a child move out?
Lundquist: I remember being surprised by the fact that I did have an empty-nest response. My oldest child went just three miles from our house to college and we thought, “This is going to be easy” ... we’ll see him whenever we want.
After he left, we went in his room and it was mostly empty, all I thought about was this level of emptiness that I felt in my own heart. I wasn’t quite ready to have that emotion. As a mom of three boys, our house was so busy and loud all the time. There was a part of me that was joyful for his new experience but also looking forward to maybe a decibel lower of chaos in the house.
